TRANSFORMING

SELF-CONDEMNATION

"Stop Blaming Yourself"

                                                                             Susie Hayes, M.A., CHt. 

 

What if you could change your frustration, disappointment, and condemnation into something different . . . something better . . . ?

 

If you are blocked, constricted, or frustrated in some part of your life experience, consider the following . . .

 

“The deepest human defeat suffered by human beings is constituted by the difference between what one is capable of becoming and what one has, in fact, become.”

- Ashley Montagu

 

CONDEMNATION:

(kon'dem-na'sh?n)

 

Just for a moment, stop to consider the following definition in relationship to YOUR SELF. Condemnation is to “judge, blame, consider guilty; to proclaim punishment; to state something or somebody is wrong or unacceptable; to force somebody to experience something very unpleasant; to issue an official order that something is unfit to be used; severe reproof, strong censure”.

 

Sound familiar. Has it helped you get unstuck? Probably not.

 

What started out as well-intentioned in our development stagnates into a process that is counter-productive.

 

Early on, we learn from those we look up to how to live in the world - how to speak, think, act, and feel.  From those observations and experiences we develop an inner voice that dialogues (constantly) about how we should make our choices throughout the day. This voice (Freud called it the superego) chatters, mutters, snorts, screams, whines, and repeats itself ad nauseum.  It is fond of themes like shoulda, coulda, woulda . . .  And we think, if we’d just listen, we’d get it right.  But what actually happens is that when we feel condemned inside, it never brings out our bes

t. Rather, we become immobilized and disempowered.  We grow weary and angry.   We expend valuable energy warding off this voice; warding off the feelings of guilt, fear, and shame. And nothing changes . . . or very little.

 

We experience FAILURE.

 

“The torment of human frustration, whatever its immediate cause, is the knowledge that the self is in prison, its vital force and ‘mangled mind’ leaking away in lonely, wasteful self-conflict.”

- Elizabeth Drew

 

So how can we re-direct our focus and energy?

 

CURIOSITY:

(kyree óss?tee)

 

What if you began to examine your experience with “a desire to know something, eagerness to know about something or to get information”, as if you are “somebody or something thought of as interesting”?  Without condemnation.

 

“It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction have not entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry.”

-Albert EInstein

 

How sad that we lose that child-like quality of inquisitiveness.  Why?  Tell me.  How?  How come?  Why?  Why not?  Where? What?  What then?   Tell me more.  How come?  Why? . . .   You remember . . .

 

One of our greatest challenges, as adults, is to think without condemnation, to open our minds, hearts, and intuition to understanding for the purpose of learning, healing, changing, and living more happily -

 

“I could not, at any age, be content to take my place by the fireside and simply look on. Life was meant to be lived. Curiosity must be kept alive.  One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.”

- Eleanor Roosevelt

 

And from curiosity, where then? . . .

 

 

CONFIDENCE:

(kónfid?nss)

 

It is fascinating to realize that when we begin to explore an issue with curiosity, rather than condemnation, that something shifts significantly. We feel hopeful and energized.  We shift to a state of “belief in own abilities: a belief or self-assurance in our ability to succeed; faith to do right: belief or assurance in the ability something to act in a pro per, trustworthy, or reliable manner; trusting relationship: a relationship based on trust and intimacy”.

 

It doesn’t get better than that.  Or does it?

 

CREATIVITY:

(kree ay tívvitee)

 

Moving from condemnation to curiosity into confidence opens up a broader field of awareness and  

Moving from condemnation to curiosity into confidence opens up a broader field of awareness and resolution.

 

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.  We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

- Albert Einstein

 

Creativity is “the ability to use the imagination to develop new and original ideas or things.”

 

“You can never solve a problem on the level on which it was created.”

- Albert Einstein

 

“Creativity is a type of learning process where the teacher and pupil are located in the same individual.”

- Arthur Koestler

 

 

Curiosity  + Confidence + Creativity - Condemnation  = UNLIMITED POTENTIAL